Approaching 18!

It's summer.  A happy time of the year where the mornings are slow, afternoons are slower and life is somehow better on every level possible.  Good time to update my little blog.

We are on the countdown to age 18.  It seemed like such an important age back in the day.  I'm not sure that it really holds much value anymore. He can't do that much more than at age 17.  He can legally smoke, vote and buy scratch offs!  On that note, I asked him if he was excited to turn 18. Answer: Yes.  I asked "Why"? Answer: I'll have the freedom.  I asked "Freedom for what"?  Answer: Well, I'll be living here and going to school still so nothing really.

He walked away after that last sentence so... that wrapped up that conversation!

My big wonder is if other parents (foster, bio, adopted) have the same problems with getting a conversation out of their sons.  I've given up on the common tug of war parent/kid issues.  Wear whatever to bed, clean your room whenever (three cheers for Febreze), go to sleep when you fall asleep.  It's the communication piece that I can't, I won't, I don't want to, let go.  I read an online article from Psychcology Today that suggested I give my teenage son advanced notice of wanting to communicate. The article also recommended to feed my teenage son before trying to communicate. Time and food.  Who knew that's where I was going wrong all this time. I'll leave him a note on the kitchen table tonight. "Let's communicate over a bowl of cocoa puffs around high noon.  Bring some insights and have some answers."

Perhaps this communication issue is a lot like summer.  It is going to be on a slow speed progression. It's all about adjusting to the time, to the age, and to the situation.

Thanks for reading.

January 18, 2015

My monthly adoption blog has turned into a yearly reflection it seems.  It's not that I don't have anything worthwhile to write about, that's for sure! So many funny "Andrésisms" to share.  Between school, sports, work and everyday life we could blog everyday.  At least he makes us all laugh more than cry!

Mom role kicking in, I have decided to entered into the "I am ready to worry about your future" stage. It starts with the word "Whoa"!

Whoa.

Whoa?

Where's this kid going in life? What does he like to do in life?  What!

What.

What?

We've got the basic four choices covered. College, military, trade school, or work are the avenues to explore.  This is the easy part.  The rough part is guiding a kid, who hasn't expressed much interest in anything, to try something. Anything!  Well, almost anything.  Keep a mama proud anything.  So... on that note I asked basic 4 questions to get the conversation started!

Me:  Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Andrés:  I don't know.  How about you?
Me:  Being proud of the man you have become.
Andrés:  Oh.

Me: What are you interested in learning more about?
Andrés:  Muchas cosas.  (Many things.)

Me: Are there any careers you would like to know more about?
Andrés:  Who? Me? Well, I like mechanics, but you have to be able to lift heavy things.  I like veterinarian care, but you have to take chemistry and I'm not doing that.

Me:  How important is money to you?
Andrés:  I like to spend it. I guess I have to save it.  Riiiggghhhttt?
Me:  I smile and walk away.

Based on the above conversation, I'd say he'd make a great politician.  Did he even answer anything I ask? Maybe there's a job opening on Pennsylvania Ave.  He'd make a suburb White House Press Secretary!

I wonder if the other adoptive parents of older children are on the same page with me on this one? My adoptive parent vibes are just telling me to guide him into creating a life for himself better than the one he left behind.  I don't worry too much, like my husband says, Andrés seems to be living the lucky horseshoe life now!  Like Abe Lincoln said, "The best thing about the future is it just comes ones day at a time".

Thanks for reading!

2-18-13

Our adoption agency emailed us a survey in order to best "help out" prospective new parents.  So I thought it would be cool to dust off the ol' adoption blog and add some pieces to it.

It's been 3 years and so much has changed.  All for the good, of course.  We went from a 2 member family to a 4 member family in a pretty short time span.  However the stars aliened us up, we all belong together.  We are a true family blended with many different shades from many different places.  Our personalities are unique yet complimenting.  It works.  I love it.

Andres is now in high school.  He's playing 3 sports (Soccer, diving and tennis)  He's passing all his classes. :)  He never gets a bad report card comment nor gets into any real trouble.  I count my blessings each and everyday. 



For anyone thinking to adopt this survey question might help...

- Which were the myths, worries, assumptions and prejudices that you had about adoption before you adopted your child / children?  

I was worried about investing so much emotion with the strong possibility of the adoption not working out.  Also, I thought my son knew he was coming here to be adopted.  He told me he didn’t know that. That made me mad. I felt misled. In the future, I would ask agencies to consider letting the families know this.  Also, I was afraid of wanting to have my son in my life forever and him changing his mind about adoption.
 

Granted, my situation was unique.  I had the chance to live with Andres and get know to his personality before going any further.  I know not every adoption situation is like this. Not sure I would have followed through with the adoption if I couldn't meet/know him.  An infant of course is different than a 12 year old. 

Another question/answer I'd like to share is this:



When you thought about adopting, did any fears or worries arise (if your answer is yes, please let us now which)   
 Yes!  Could I/Should I raise a child without a spouse?  Was I strong enough to play mom and dad?  Also, I wasn’t as wealthy as the other parents and this bothered me. Would I be setting my son up for too much disappointment?  Would he respect me?  Would there be problems (mental, social, and emotional) beyond my control that I couldn’t help him with?


Once again, my situation is unique because I was willing to roll into this a single mom with no intention of ever changing my "singleness"!  I caught myself signing up for something that I spent most of my life trying to avoid- being a knocked up single mom.   No offense to anyone.  As I look back, it's almost comical to think about these fears and worries. None of them were ever an issue.  Rules are rules no matter who sets them.  The key is following through with them.  Respect is a two way street.  Open communication about everything (even if you don't want to talk about) has to happen.  I'm sure my son has "things" in his past that make him who he is. We all do.  Being adopted doesn't make him any more or any less problematic.

As I've said before, I love being Andrés' mom.  Sometimes you find your destiny and sometimes it finds you.

As always, thank you for reading.

June 18, 2012

WOW!  It’s been a while! Time for the “update”.  My adopted teenager is just that.  A teenager!  Messy bedroom?  Check.  Addicted to TV and videogames? Check.  Still putting stuff back empty in the fridge? Check. The list goes on and on. 

We are both looking forward to wrapping up the school year and starting summer. The laid back “Big Daddy” summer from year one and the “Crazy Camp” summer of year two will hopefully mesh into a “not bored yet not crazy busy” summer for year three!

For those of you reading from an adoptive parent point of view, my job as his Mom is slowly changing.  He isn’t the foreign adoptee that needs my advocacy as much anymore.  He’s more of the American teenager that needs my push to get things done.  Not trying to make him look bad, his behaviors are in the norm.  It’s just a different ball game now.  Funny story, we finally finished updating the kitchen a few weeks ago. While painting the cabinets he asked me how much money he was going to get for working so hard.  I replied back, “Nothing, you get to live here and enjoy this great new room for free!”  His response, “Is it legal for me to live in the garage?”

Classic Andrés.

The biggest stress he reports is getting lost in his new High School.  That being said, we are pretty much on easy street.  Oral language acquisition is at least 90% proficient.  His accent doesn’t hinder his speech as much as his low deep voice and quick talking does!

Andrés continually talks about returning to Colombia for the Christmas holidays.  I ask him where he will stay, what he will do, and how he will get around.  Just making sure he understands the reality that nobody will really be waiting for him at the airport.  He’s got an answer for everything, of course!

The best part of the past 6 months is watching him accept, enjoy and love the new personal changes in our family dynamic.  I wasn’t sure how he was going to react.  He’s as open to the changes as anyone could ask.  I’m very blessed on so many levels.

Making friends is still an issue.  We talk about trying harder, using some suggestions on being a little more outgoing and of course using a little sarcastic humor... Don’t be so stuck up, Andrés!  The making friends thing is taking more time than I thought.  Big groups of people are still rough.  He gets through it, at least! Baby steps...

Thanks for your support and thanks for reading!

Dec. 5, 2011

Tis, The Holiday Season. Trying to make some fun memories is a rough thing for us this time of the year. I gotta say, I sorta hate it! However, being the open minded adopted mom that I try to be I'm spending a lot of time just listening. From what I've been told, we aren't as much fun here in the USA as in Colombia. So here's what I am "competing" with:

1) A month off from school.
2) Trips to the river where you swim. Then kill pigs, make rellena, tripe and other Colombian cuisine.
3) Music Concerts. Check out you tube!
4) Parades with floats.
5) Polvo (Powder). They spray this stuff on everything and everyone.
6) Fireworks on the 24th and 25th.
7) A day with water balloons where people have water balloon fights.
8) Mass in houses with the best mangers and snacks.
9) Riding in the back of pickup trucks with loud music.

So... yeah when does our flight leave? Really! It's sounds fun. On the flip side, this is what I can offer:

1) We work/go to school until the 23rd.
2) We live in a tundra...maybe I could take him ice fishing?
3) Concerts... I can do. Spanish music ones... not so sure.
4) Parades, not so much. That being said, he wouldn't wake up for the Macy's one!
5) Powder, I got an idea! A GOOD idea!
6) Fireworks... rollin' illegal I'm sure. Wouldn't be the first time though.
7) I refuse to play water balloons with this kid. I bruise really easy and really bad.
8) My manger is from the dollar store. So...we could upgrade.
9) I know a guy with a pickup. He'll let us cruise around with loud music.

Culture is distinct. I know it's supposed to be. The world would be a very boring place if it wasn't. On that note, it's difficult to find a healthy mix of the old and the new. Maybe he's not ready or maybe it's not healthy to let go of the old. Maybe he's not ready or maybe it's not healthy for him to welcome all of the new stuff right away either. Year by year, little by little...I hope the sadness and depression he feels melts away. I hope I find the delicate balance of leading him into a new life and at the same time respecting the old one. He's expressed multiple times a strong desire to return to his birthplace for the holidays. I just don't think he gets that there isn't much going to be waiting for him there.

Deep topic this month. As always, thanks for reading.

November 9, 2011

It seems like forever, but it's barley a year and a half. You'd think all firsts have happened, but really, they haven't. I get bits and pieces, a little glimpse, of Andres' past every once in a while. Little details that just seem to pop into his head. It's cool he shares them with me. His memories are so random. They are fun to hear. Searching for soda cans in garbage cans and on the streets was a recent memory. I'm tearing up thinking they were doing it for food. Nope, not so much, him and his street eurchants pitched in to buy a playstation. (Or so he reports!)

Our laughs this month include the fact that he puts EVERYTHING back empty. I'm talkin' ice cream containers, egg cartons, bags of chips and even the box of Saran wrap! It's annoying, but I'm laughing. Really, why get mad? Someday I'll miss thinking there's an empty box of Oreos waiting for me. Gotta enjoy it while I got it!

Halloween was fun. I took him out for an hour. After about 10 houses he'd yell "Trick or Treat. Yeah! Just one". For some reason the neighbors were shocked he rolled solo. Anyway...It started to rain about half way in. We kept going. Upon our return home he organized all the candy into piles. Super fun. We played some tricks on the kids that came to our house...by trying to hand out carrots instead of candy. It was a blast.

English is rockin'. Now he talks to the TV. It's great. For example, an ad will come on for a dentist office...saying "Come in and visit us."...Andres answers back! He'll say, "Sure...see ya tomorrow." Or "Sorry, no time this week." Or, "What will I get?" It's hilarious!

He's not a good keeper of secrets. He's been begging me for money. Begging my parents for money too. He works for it, at least. I asked him what he "needed". He said he wanted to buy someone new controls for their PSP3. I told him that was a pretty generous gift. Maybe he could think of something "cheaper". He said it was for me so his "cracker mom" could learn how to dance. I just adore my son!

Well, I'm sure there is more, but I'll end it for now.
As always, thanks for your time. Thanks for reading.

Ocober 12, 2011

My little comedian continues to keep me laughing. This month the "shenanigans" included a daily report of his bus route due to neighborhood construction. (Insert yawn. They were long reports.) Full renditions (in English) of the Discover card commercials with that man named, Peggy. A lecture (or two) on how he should join the military to shoot down UFO's and other alien/end of the world/doomsday "crap". Finally, a re-make of a Victoria Secret magazine with zombie heads and other random body parts. Very creative!

School is going well. He won an achievement award for the first 5 weeks. Pretty cool! He made the soccer team, but due a prior injury had to quit. Back to PT tomorrow. Fingers crossed the damage is reversible.

Simple and sweet this month, as always, thanks for reading! :)

September 4th, 2011

An interview with my 14 year old son:

Q: What is the best thing about living in the USA?
A: I don't know.

Q: No really, give me something.
A: I don't know. Hockey?

Q: What's your favorite memory of August?
A: I don't know.

Q: Come on, work with me!
A: Oh! You making me remember my passport number. Me remembering it and giving you a real surprise!

Q: Anything else?
A: Going on vacation with you. To see how big Arizona is and to see the fence at the boarder was great. Missing that flight in DC was epic, mom. I want to do it again!!

Q: Are you excited for school to start?
A: Nope.

Q: Why?
A: I don't know. It's 8th grade. I will have to try hard.

Q: Do you like Mighty Taco?
A: No.

Q: Do you love me?
A: oh yeah. I love you. Your freckles are lovable, too. JAJAJAJAJAJA.

Q: Any thoughts you'd like to share with the adoption reading world?
A: No thank you. I don't have feelings.

Q: Yes, you do. Everyone does.
A: Yeah, I wish more kids were adopted here because it's good.

Q: Any funny stories to share for this month?
A: I saw a Lamborghini with Grandma. She liked it.

My comments:

"No" and "I don't know" seem to be the way things roll around here. I'm trying to make it funny so I don't lose my mind. His new found passion seems to be doomsday programing. Anything that predicts the end of the world is fascinating. (That and bigfoot!) 8th grade starts Tuesday. He'll be looping with the same teachers as last year. Still in ESL full time, too. One day at a time, right? At least he gets up and goes to school. His plan is to work for the DEA. I think he just wants a gun, to be honest!

We wrapped up the summer with a lot of fun. Obviously, we took a vacation. He had a few sleepovers, did a zip line course, hung out with the family at the reunion, good old summer BBQ parties and even did some Buffalo tourist stuff like the Aquarium and Miss Buffalo. It's been a blast. I'm sad to see summer end. Here's to hoping he passes all his classes this year. Not diggin' the idea of 8th grade summer school, myself!

As always, thank you for reading!

August 4, 2011

Summer rocks! This one is going down in the history books. We have been having fun and keeping busy with the fun. I love when life isn’t too serious!

We started off July with a family camping trip. I told Andres not to eat the marshmallows because they were filled with toxins. Let me tell you what a mistake that was. Everything and anything I did came with a stern warning from Andres that I was increasing the toxins in my body! It’s wild how things are made nowadays!

The rest of July was spent at “camp” for Andrés. ESL camp went well, as did the career camp. He didn’t complain once about any of it.

We spent his 14^th birthday at Darien Lake with Grandma and Grandpa. We rode the same ride about 18 times and checked out in the early evening. It’s wasn’t as much fun as I remembered it was back in the day. I wonder why things lose their spice?

What else… He really wanted a puppy for his b-day. He didn’t get one. He asked Willa (my mom’s neutered Dog to give him one). He didn’t get one from her either! He did get that laptop, as I said in my last post. The whole lack of gratitude thing doesn’t fly with me. Gratitude is not innate, that is for sure! I’d respectfully argue with any shrink who thinks it is. Perhaps I will have to keep working on this one!

During this past month we met up with FANA (adopted families) from WNY. It is fantastic to have a strong base of people to bounce ideas off of and to just put things into perspective. I learned a lot in one short hour of informally chatting about the good, the bad and the ugly. It was interesting to see the growth, the plateaus, the roadblocks, the struggles and the blessings that those of us adopting older children are learning to live with. School is my biggest worry. Not because I want him to get straight A’s, but because I want him to learn how to learn. It might sound like a typo. It’s not. I could care less about his report card grades. With Andres, school has to be something deeper than grades on a piece of paper. He’s a different breed. An old soul, if you will. He can read between the lines without opening the book. Look into a person’s eyes and know the real story. I can’t really successfully pull one over on him.

Every day this kid continues to crack me up. He’s always ready with “consejos” (advice) when I don’t really want it. For example, I stopped seeing this guy and Andres said…Mom, since knowing you I’ve seen your heart break twice. Don’t worry. You have 7 more hearts left. Super cute, right? I guess he’s comparing me to the idea that cats have 9 lives? If that is the case then I must have been reincarnated at least 3 times!

There are so many funny stories all the humor at my expense, of course. In the end, it’s worth the laugh. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. That being said, I won’t embarrass myself publicly anymore than I already have.

August is pretty wide open with nothing major to focus on minus a few dentist appointments. The kid needs braces. What a racket! $5,500.00 for metal! I’ll need a summer job next year, for sure! On the positive side, we are looking forward to a spin southwest in mid August. It should be fun to show Andres a different side of the American landscape. He’ll be shocked, I imagine! Update to follow next month…

As always, thanks for reading.

July 4th, 2011

Summer! All I have to say is “Thank you sweet Jesus”!

For what it is worth, Andrés passed 7^th grade. Maybe not every class, but he passed. Good enough for now! In terms of school my plan is to look into co-ed teaching classes. A friend works for the district and suggested I look into that route. I know he’s overwhelmed with school and he totally checked out early this June. Oh well, it’s temporally over! We both need the break.

Vacation started with a bang in more ways than one. I’ll just focus on the good stuff. UB soccer camp. After day 1, he told me that he would never play soccer again. On day 5 he asked if he could go back again next year! I’m glad it worked out. It was great he had another friend from FANA with him as well. They told me that the coaches called them the “Colombianos”.

It was a joy to see Andrés play on the town soccer league last Thursday. He was much more confident on the field. Pretty cool! Since breaking his tibia last year his ankle/foot is still in rough shape. I took him to the pediatrician because Andres was limping and really swollen. The Doctor said it was just inflammation and to take 600 mg of motrin and ice, as needed. We might need to follow up with an x-ray soon to double check everything.

For the next 2 weeks he’ll be attending an ESL camp to work on English and learn a little about Buffalo’s history. I hope he has fun and learns a little more “stuff”.

We will be celebrating his 14^th birthday at Darien Lake on July 16^th. I hope it doesn’t rain! He asked for a laptop. I wonder why? (Inside joke to a select group of friends.)

It’s wild to think I just met Andrés 2 years ago. It seems like he has been in this family forever! That being said, I better get back to the 4^th of July family bonding.

As always, thanks for reading our adoption blog!

June 3, 2011

Wow! It feels like this past month flew by! I’ve been spending some time looking for stuff for Andrés to do this summer besides staying up until 3:00am playing PS3 and waking up at noon to start the day. No more “Big Daddy” summers. I need my beauty rest. I guess summer school is an option, but I think I’d rather have a more positive spin on learning.

That being said, he’s learning how to cook and sew at school. It’s not going too well. From one perspective it’s funny that his little machisto attitude is taking over. He doesn’t think this class should be for boys. He’s really dead serious about it! Besides the domestic spin on school, he’s trying hard in most of his other classes. School is tough on so many levels. Socially he said kids call him a “Dirty Mexican” on the bus. Really he might be dirty, but he’s Colombian, kids. Get it straight. All joking aside, it is sad that kids have to be so cruel. It’s even worse that most of them learn this shit from us, their parents. My mantra this month is to teach tolerance. Unfortunately, people seem to have so many excuses as to why they think what they think. Why is it easier to hate than to accept or at least understand? That being said, my parental advice was to go egg that kid’s house and his parent’s cars. We didn’t. Really.

One more thing that has been making me wonder is Andrés concept of time. He has none. I’m not sure if this is unique to him, his upbringing, or something else. Time, dates, calendars are like from another world to him. He has no idea what 5 mins is, feels like, looks like, etc. When I say something is on Sunday, for example, I have to go through the entire week for him to “get it”. Same thing with the months and seasons. He’s not sure which season goes with which month nor does he seem to understand the order of them. At first I thought it was a translation thing. Now I’m not so sure!

I love Andrés’ random questions. Here are some he’s asked over the course of the last few weeks:

Mom, is it illegal for a woman to ask a man to marry her?

Mom, the cashier didn’t charge you for some stuff. Isn’t that stealing?

Mom, what would happen if I slept under my bed all night with my ipod and you found out?

Mom, what would you give me if I don’t tell Grandma that you did that?

As always, thanks for reading.

May 2, 2011 "Andrésisms"

I'd like to focus on what I feel as being some what funny this month. The thing that a lot of people don't get is where his English comes from. It's amazing how, in such a short amount of time, Andrés' personality can shine via a second language. I will dedicate this to all the hilarious things Andrés has said this past month. He cracks me up on so many levels.

1. Joining me for coffee with a friend: Andrés takes a break from his IPOD and spills all the "bad" stuff about me! For example, Did you know my mom is one of her only friends NOT MARRIED? Did you know she wore two different sneakers to the Chinese Buffet? Did you know she has no manners when she eats dinner with me? The delivery was just hilarious. He was acting like a "tell it all" senior citizen chatting it up in the activity room.
   
2. Me: I'm going to see a movie with my friends tonight. Andres: Can I come? Me: Well, it's sort of a romantic movie. Andres: Oh good Mom, maybe you will learn something!
3. After picking him up from a field trip he says "Mom, Wicked was too weird. I feel stressed out with all that singing. I told you that I should not go to those girly things."
4. Church. So... I am the typical lost Catholic soul. I have lost my way, not with God, but with attending service. Honestly, I go to mass to appease people when asked or needed. Andrés knows this and is playing me for it every Sunday! His latest attacks include asking Grandma questions, such as, When is mass? What time are you going to church? What happens to unbaptized kids like me if they die? Why doesn't my mom go to church? Yeah- real cute. Needless to say I took him to church. He checked out after 10 mins. 30 mins into it he asked when it would be over. Payback...I think we will go again next week, too! :)
5. Studying: I'm not a fan of being a teacher at home. I just want to be a mom. The lines are blurred. So it is what it is. Recently, we were studying for a Social Studies quiz. Trying to explain concepts when Andrés has no prior knowledge is (at times) like talking to a cave man. For example "Longhouse" seems simple. Yeah. No. Not so much. Throw in... Isthmus. Land Bridge. Strait. Artifacts. What a mess!

The most important thing learned this month is to remember to just have fun. The dishes can wait and the laundry will still be there.

As always, thanks for reading.

April 2, 2011

I'm trying to update this blog once a month. The handy cell phone calendar is great help. As I write this Andrés is playing video-games. He only has 3 games because (as most of you know) they cost about weeks worth of groceries! For some reason he doesn't want to rent them. Whatever... !

I can't complain about Andrés' adjustment at all. He's trying hard at school (from what his teachers say). He comes home and does his homework (at least the stuff he writes down in his agenda) right away. Overall has a good attitude about going to school. I know some kids were making fun of his accent a few weeks ago. He's so much better than those kids because he's fluent in Spanish and very proficient in English! Speaking of English, it's really getting good. He's practically bilingual now. On top of that his voice changed! He's a little man and not my "baby" any more.

The best quality is his sense of humor with me. He's super funny and loves playing jokes on me. This month included a fake tarantula. It was a really good scare.

He told me a few nights ago that he was afraid of having to go into 8th grade. He doesn't think he can write a 5 page paper. He was so serious about it. Pobrecito...

He also told me that I shouldn't wear skirts. I'm not sure why, but he's not a fan of the skirt. When I do wear a skirt to work, I get looks! I get lectures! I get problems! I laugh it off, but he's serious.

One concern I do have is that he doesn't do much without me. It would be cool if he joined something. Soccer is out of the question. I'm never going to live down the fact that he was walking around on a broken tibia bone for a week before taking him back to the Doctor for a second opinion! I was thinking boy scouts, but it seems like a cult nowadays. I just wish he had more friends. It doesn't help that he's super guarded when he meets new kids. I hope in time he can relax those defensive walls!

Well, cheers to Spring. I have to say, this past month was a little depressing. Lack of sunshine, prolonged winter, and the fact that I'm totally broke didn't help much. :) We did a lot of TV watching! He likes a show called "Niñas Mal" on MTV Tr3s. It's like a Mexican soap opera about these high society bad girls that have been sent to reform school. It's pretty funny. Also, it was filmed in Colombia! Super cool!

As always, thanks for reading!

March 2, 2011

It's been a year. Already! Good times, bad times, silly times, fun times, serious times. Andrés is working hard at school. His English is fantastic. I'd say he's now speaking in English 75% of the time. He loves TV. A lot! We've been keeping busy without breaking the bank. I can't complain about anything. I'm so happy he's my son. ♥

2 March

So... It's like 5am as I write this. Getting ready to leave. To wrap up my "Colombia" chapter I have to say it's been a blast. I've had some fun adventures, for sure! I'm going to miss this place!

Keeping Andrés "into" his Colombia roots, won't be too hard. I love this country. The people are great, weather is amazing and food is delish!

Thanks for reading and thanks for your support.

25 Feb

It's over! Legally speaking Andrés is my son! We got his immigrant visa today at the US embassy. The people were so nice at the embassy. I felt kinda "bad" skipping everyone in line again, though. All this special treatment! Anyway...tomorrow Andres has to finish up academic testing at FANA. We are staying in Colombia until Tuesday to do a few things that I promised him. We fly back to BUF on Tuesday morning. Changing my ticket and adding Andres to my reservation was such a PITA. Jet Blue has a new reservation system and I don't think they trained the workers on how to use it. I was on the phone with them for 49 mins. (International Long distance mind you.)

Anyway...I'll post the return details on Tuesday. Party at the airport. Everyone is welcome to meet the new gringo! (LOL)

24 Feb

New developments... passport agency took the birth certificate I had and switched his place of birth. Yeah. I image that was a little illegal. Rollin' dirty here in BOG! Took the "shiny new" passport to the US embassy today. Tomorrow after 3pm I'll know for sure if we can exit the country with the "messed up" documentation I kindly provided. If it's not accepted I'll be here about 12-13 more days. Please cross your fingers now. I think this stress is making me sick. I know it's beyond my control, but I can't help feel anxiety. In speaking with my legal liaison, it seems to me like La Hormiga is to Valle de Guamuez as Snyder is to Amherst. So... saying you were born is Snyder is the same as really being born in Amherst just not on paper. Henceforth, if you aren't from the area, it appears that these are two very different places on planet Earth.

What else... huge meltdown with Andrés last night. Dinner plans were ditched and I stayed home listening to him cry for 3 hours. Freakin' ridiculous. I'll save my rant and rave for my mom.

Going to a soccer game tonight. Maybe it will put me in a better mood. ♪♪ Olé, olé, olé, olé.♪♪

23 of Feb.

Hey! A month ago it was my birthday! (LOL)

Anyway... the past few days have been fun! We took a day trip to a place called Villavencencio and Granada. My friend Nelson's brother (Victor), who lives here in Bogota invited us on the trip. It was so cool to see "small town" Colombia with a native! We saw a lot of cows on the trip down there. The area is a very agricultural region. The kids enjoyed going through the tunnels. There were a lot of them! It's amazing how the climate changes from the entrance of one tunnel to the exit of the next tunnel. The rt. we were on had a lot of security. I'm talking military outlooks every 1/2 mile or so. If it wasn't an armored tank then it was at least a solder with heavy machine guns. I felt safe.

Our first stop was to take the kids (Andrés and his friend) to a zoo. The only animals at this zoo were native to this region of Colombia. Once again, the animals looked great. Very well taken care of! The workers at the zoo seemed really young to me. At each exhibition there was a teenager teaching us the basics of the animals. I really enjoyed my time there. After the zoo we took a ride to pick up Victor's friend. She invited us to lunch. The restaurant was called "El acuario". The grounds of "El acuario" were so pretty. There was a little lake with turtles, a playground and hammocks to rest in after the meal. I had some kind of fish. As always, my fish dish was delish!

After lunch they took us to a river where the kids could go swimming. (Thank God) There was A LOT of complaining in the car. The kids swam while the adults drank! I love how relaxed Colombia is. Everyone seemed so happy where we were. Regardless of what they have or don't have life is just good! After the river swim we went back to Victor's friend's home for a rest. Actually, the kids were invited to swim in her pool, too. Once again, they were super happy. The ride home took about 5 hours. I felt bad that Victor had to drive so much in one day with at least one very ungrateful child in the back seat. GRRRR!!!! That boy was in big trouble with me the next morning!

When we arrived back to the apartment in Bogota my friend Esteban was waiting for us. He was born in Bogota, but lived in a few other Colombian cities during his years here before coming the USA for college. It's been fun going back to his old neighborhood. From Esteban's perspective Colombia had changed a lot. Inflation in insane, his neighborhood didn't seem quite as posh, and Bogota is HOT. At least in comparison to his memories from 15 years ago... it's changed. I like being able to have a setting now for all the stories that he had recounted to me about his friends, his family and his memories of living here.

In terms of Andrés' adoption process, the birth certificate came, but didn't have La Hormiga (his birth town) written on the document. I imagine this is going to be a delay. My legal liason is going to call me back at 10:30 to update me on where we stand.

Once again, I got burned from the sun. Even with SPF 50... I still burn! It's really getting annoying! I know my friends back in Buffalo must be rolling their eyes at me. These burns are like frostbite, but to the other extreme! My skin kills!

OMG! I wrote another little book here! Thanks for reading. I'll update again once I find out where we stand with the missing birth certificate information.

"Sentencia"

OMG! What a trip to the jungle of Putumayo. The flight took off late and this is where the crazy day starts.

Let me set the scene: Trees. Lots of them. Trees. More of them. Trees. Add some more. Weather. Humidity at 87% with the temperature at 91 degrees. Airport. About the size of a minimart.

I got off the flight and found my Putumayo lawyer waiting for me. We had about an hour to sign and get back for my return flight, as it wasn't recommended that I stay in Puerto Asis for an extended amount of time. So we went straight to the office to sign sentencia and the judge was "A Bitch". She was horrible to me. I felt like a criminal for wanting to adopt Andrés. She asked all kinds of personal questions, uncomfortable questions, questions that were already answered in my paperwork! Then she asked how come this process happened so fast, how come it took less than a year for me when other families from Europe have wait years to adopt a child? How the hell do I know??? She asked me at least 5 times how I came to know Andrés. Finally, I said to her "Look, my lawyer in Bogota explained to me that I am here to look over some papers, check spellings, dates, passport and case numbers and to make sure you put the correct stamp on my documents." The American government has done a very deep background check on me. I took the classes FANA and the Buffalo agency required me to take. My doctor has included the health information you are asking. I'm not here to play games with you and I hope you are not here to play games with me." She left. Mr. Putumayo lawyer told me to "relax". She came back and said she wasn't going to sign sentenia for 2 days! I was so mad I wanted to punch her in the face. My lawyer said stuff...then she said she would sign at 4:00pm that day! I told her that "Wasn't fair, I'm going to miss my flight and the person who gets hurt the most is Andrés. I don't want to do that to him. He's going to think I left him for good if I don't come back tonight." So, then she changed it to 2:00pm that day!

My Putumayo lawyer told me she was new and young. Younger than me...she had new power and wanted to show it. OMG...I was steaming in more than one sense of the word.

So... while waiting for 2pm to come we went back to the airport to get my boarding pass. There I was told my flight was leaving at 12:30pm not 2:30pm! Also, the last flight back to Bogota was at 1pm on a different airline. I had a meltdown. I'm talking all out crying in front of my lawyer. I asked him what am I going to do, how can I stay here, this isn't safe for me, etc. He was really nice to me. A true gentleman. We found a hotel in the town. There was only 1 room left with 3 beds! No choice, I took it and he stayed there with me to make sure no one would bother me. Now, who else from Baker Victory can say they slept with their lawyer? (LOL) We were in seclusion until we both decided hunger beats security. Off we went to a local restaurant across the street. After lunch we went back to sign a paper then settled in watching "Animal Planet" until he had to leave to get the paperwork. Later that evening he had to go back 3 times to the judge's office because they were taking over 3 hours to make 7 copies of my sentencia! I swear that judge did it on purpose.

So anyway.... my lawyer is now on his way to La Hormiga to get Andres' birth certificate changed and to send it to Bogota, I hope by Tuesday.

I have to say, it was kinda cool to see how life is in these small towns. When I say small towns think of the size of an average Buffalo neighborhood. Put in one or two paved streets and everything else is dirt road. Totally different from major Colombian cities! The houses had tin roofs and the rain water is collected and used. It was not directed into a sewer system. Motorcycles are the vehicle of choice as most people can't afford cars nor are they really appropriate either. Helmets are never worn. Holding an infant on the back of a motorcycle one is 100% normal. Side note, Andrés is always laughing at me because I "follow the rules", after seeing how life is down there I understand why now. There are no rules. Well, don't be stupid and you'll be fine. Be stupid and you'll get hurt. End of story!

Next step in Colombia is to wait for the new birth cert, wait for an appointment with the embassy, get passport pics, get an appointment with the Doctor, and then we can peace out of Colombia. I'm thinking another 10 -12 days.

As always, thank you for reading! :-)

14 Feb

Last few days have been busy going on "field trips". We've hit the hardrock, went to a place called parque Jaime Duque and yesterday we took an 8 hour tour yesterday of an indigenous village and of a laguna (lake) holding the legend of El dorado. First off, the view of the Andes was amazing. You can see forever. It was wild to just stand there and stare. I was trying to imagine the land below without buildings. The eco tour took us to a village which was started about 11 or so years ago to help Colombia get back it's lost native culture. We had a great tour guide named Marco, who taught the kids about the native culture before the arrival of the Spanish conquistadors.

After the village we had a typical Colombian lunch. The girls in the group had a crush a boy "directing traffic". We were the traffic! They gave him a tip. It was really cute. Lunch for some of us consisted of cow intestine. Delish! (joking) It's called Chunchulo, I think. Andres tried spelling it for me and got "mad". (Side note- English class is going well!)
Pics will be on FB soon. Can't wait to show his first girlfriend eating that crap. Pun intended!

After lunch we took a hike to la laguna and learned about El dorado. Firstoff, it was amazing. The lake, the views, the native trees and plants. I was happy to be there. However, the air is so thin up there I couldn't move 5 steps without gasping. The kids left me in the dust which might have added to my stress. The tour guide asked how everyone in the group was doing..."is anyone shaking, getting a headache, or feeling faint"? Of course there is a chorus of "no" behind me...menos yo... acutally, I had all of those problems! I apologized to the group and they were all super nice. "Tranquila" is the word I got from everyone. The guide let me led the procession to the top so we could go at a speed comfortable for me. How nice! I think the tour took twice as long because of me!

Anyway... on the way home we saw two huge fires on the side of the mountains in Bogota. It was really bad. People live up there and their houses are made of wood, too. The fire was really spreading fast. About two city blocks were on fire. The only way to put them out is with helicopters. During the night, I don't think they can fly them with the topography here.

Well, today we will chillax. I need to go to exito to buy groceries. Besides that...things are going well. I hope to have an idea about when I need to go Putumayo this week!

11 Feb.

Started off today with a trip to the minimart, pan pa'ya for a little breakfast and then off to parque Jaime Duque.

Snacks in hand, sunblock 30, and a wallet filled with pesos...we took off for parque Jaime Duque, who from my understanding was the first owner of Avianca, the first Colombian owned airline. He loved Greek mythology and throughout the park you can see his passion. The first part of the tour is a zoo. I'm not a big fan of zoos, but this was nice in the fact that the habitats were very natural. (Some of the animals lived on these little islands, some in cages and some behind glass) For the most part they seemed well taken care of. Next we hit the food court and then the amusement park section of the park. Unfortunately, most of the rides were closed, being that this is the off season.

After the park we took a taxi to get our CLEAN CLOTHES! What a luxury. Really! Washing things in the sink and using febreze doesn't really cut it!

Andrés had his first English class today. I walked away crying because he doesn't even know his Spanish alphabet. I just felt so scared for him. The other parents felt bad for me...so...off we went to the hotel bar for a few beers!

As far as the process is going. I don't expect to hear anything until next Friday at the earliest. One family found out their court is closed until Feb 27th. Another family is leaving on Sat, a third family is signing "sentencia" tomorrow and the forth family is still waiting news.

I just got an email this evening from a fellow adoptive parent here, who has a friend, who knows a pastor living in Puerto Asis. This pastor has agreed to meet me at the airport and escort me with my lawyer. I have no idea who this person is, but I can't go too wrong with man of God on my side, right?

Well, thanks for reading! Love you guys!

9 Feb

Another early morning rise...as we had to take a spin to have a few more documents notarized. My case should be on the back of a motorcycle and on it's way to Putumayo. So wild! I guess it's how they roll around here!

Today we took a tour of a salt mine outside of Bogota. Super cool trip! It was nice to see the countryside. We had a post breakfast snack before checking out the salt mine. We only toured 5% of the mine. It took a good 2.5 hours. It was interesting. We also checked out a cute little town, where we stopped for lunch/dinner. As always, pictures are on facebook.

Our tour guide, Jorge Rico, has a great rapport with all these kids. He's into ecology and is always helping the kids find ways to help earth. He's super neat. Also, he can pick up on little things and teach the kids a lesson. For example, today I didn't buy Andrés a "recuerdo" at the salt mine. Why? A. I can't buy him everything he wants. B. I think that stuff is a waste of money. On the way home Jorge started a cute conversation on the "gift" of disposable money. He discussed with the kids everything from banking and adoption fees to taxes and how some parents balance life with one income. I know he did this for me. It was sly and sweet. Just because mom doesn't buy something doesn't mean the kids don't deserve it, or they aren't loved as much or they did something bad. All the 'rents out there know what I mean...;-)

That being said, tomorrow we are chillaxin' here during the day and going to the hard rock cafe for dinner. I think Friday we are going to a park called the Jaime Duque. Updates to follow...thanks for reading.

8 Feb

This morning we had our BIENESTAR interview. It went well! I was forewarned by the other parents that the kids will do everything and anything to embarrass the parents. As most of you can imagine, there were a lot of laughs this morning! First, Andrés showed the nice lady my sunburn for a good 5 mins. Super cute of him, right??? I got a lesson on proper skin care. Then, she asked about my family and he told her that his Grandma is very fun loving. He also showed her a picture of them on a ride at Darien Lake. He said that Grandpa is cool, but his "fun room" in the basement is a disaster. There were a lot of theatrics with that remark. Everyone was laughing, even the lawyer!

Speaking of lawyers it looks like everyone wants a piece of the pie...so now I am not only paying the lawyer in Bogota, but also the lawyer in Putumayo. Tomorrow my documents will be sent to the lawyer in Putumayo to start the case there. I'm not sure when I will have to travel. I guess in 5 -8 days I'll know something. I was told the flight to Putumayo is super expensive. If that is the case then I don't want to bring Andrés. What's the point to sit around all day for an $800.00 ticket? Although the company would be nice...I'd rather take him to Disney world for a long weekend! Maybe he can stay with one of the other families while I travel.

When possible we are working on English. He has a little cheat sheet near the phone. I usually let him answer so he can practice. It's kinda cute. He speaks with a deep voice in English as opposed to his baby voice in Spanish!

It sounds like there might be a "field trip" to a salt mine later this week. Should be fun. Did you know salt is black before it's processed? I didn't either!

5 Feb

Nice morning! Slept in till 10:00ish, made steak and eggs for breakfast. Delish! No street meat for me. This was the good stuff!

Met the group for a typical Colombian lunch and headed to a place called Diversity. Lunch was some kind of fish, yuca, baked potato, guacamole and "warm" lemonade. In the end my dish was really good! Diversity was super cool. It is a little city where kids can learn about different professions. There's everything from a mini coke (cola) plant to a vet's office. Really cool place. I'll post pics on FB.

Unfortunately, waiting in line...Andrés kicked a girl. He wouldn't say sorry and the dramatics began. Typical teenager...First I'm ignored, then comes the attitude, then comes the pouting, then comes the tears. Defiance...you all get the picture. Maybe I have a telenovela superstar on my hands! Chalk it up to a lesson learned. No kicking girls otherwise you'll get an 8:30 bedtime and no DS nor TV time!

Tomorrow I have another appointment with the notary. The Bienestar meeting is still Monday and in the works is a flight in and out of Puerto Asis. I'm NOT at all excited about this trip. I might have a meltdown!

4 Feb

Progressive day! Signed papers to hand over power of attorney to "a lawyer" to represent me in Putumayo (the department or "state" where Andrés is from). My lawyer will do everything for me, as I am not allowed to travel there. I think it's a red zone. Next major news is the Bienestar interview has been assigned for Monday morning at 9:30am.

Yesterday we spent time at FANA, went to mass, and had a reception there. It was nice. Long, but nice. We also, went shopping at the supermarket. Had a little meltdown there. He didn't like the size of the cart. Really... I couldn't believe the shopping cart was going to be an issue! Anyway... I took away his TV remote and DS at bed time! (LOL).

What else...for lunch we are going to a cool place called Andrés DC. I think they have steak. Should be fun! Thanks for reading!

2 Feb

Woke up @ 7:30am to a loud blast of Reggaeton. Way to easy my head back into my headache! This altitude thing is for real. I'm not sick, but have a light headache. A fellow American parent gave me a bottle of TRU O2. Oxygen enriched air. Just going up or down a flight of stairs causes breathing issues. Unless I'm just still winded from my sprint set at JFK!

Today we tried to find a park. We didn't. We did find the mall! Walked around, went bowling in the mall and then to the supermarket. Even though I just taught a lesson on Colombian pesos...I'm still having issues with all these zeros everywhere. How many thousands does bowling cost? (LOL)

Took a taxi ride to the laundry mat with another mom from BUF. We didn't make it the first time as the address wasn't correct. Oups...went back to confirm the address and tried it again. I'm glad I went...I never would have found it. The laundry mat looks like a martini bar! $25.00 for 3 big bags to be washed, dried and folded. Beats the hotel laundry prices. For the most part, prices seem to be on par with American prices. A whole chicken is 13.700 pesos. Like about $8.00US. It was lunch and dinner for the two us!

My apartment is on the ground floor and faces a courtyard. Today we had quite an event. A corporate party with modern dancing, (2 dudes in white skintight jump suits) an angel and a new car. No idea how all three things link together as the sound system wasn't working well. Needless to say, it was quite the free entertainment, as Andrés couldn't stop laughing.

Tomorrow we are returning to FANA for an anniversary party. Thursday we are going to a 3 floor restaurant; floor 1 is hell, floor 2 is purgatory, and floor 3 is heaven. Should be fun!

As always, thanks for reading!