Approaching 18!

It's summer.  A happy time of the year where the mornings are slow, afternoons are slower and life is somehow better on every level possible.  Good time to update my little blog.

We are on the countdown to age 18.  It seemed like such an important age back in the day.  I'm not sure that it really holds much value anymore. He can't do that much more than at age 17.  He can legally smoke, vote and buy scratch offs!  On that note, I asked him if he was excited to turn 18. Answer: Yes.  I asked "Why"? Answer: I'll have the freedom.  I asked "Freedom for what"?  Answer: Well, I'll be living here and going to school still so nothing really.

He walked away after that last sentence so... that wrapped up that conversation!

My big wonder is if other parents (foster, bio, adopted) have the same problems with getting a conversation out of their sons.  I've given up on the common tug of war parent/kid issues.  Wear whatever to bed, clean your room whenever (three cheers for Febreze), go to sleep when you fall asleep.  It's the communication piece that I can't, I won't, I don't want to, let go.  I read an online article from Psychcology Today that suggested I give my teenage son advanced notice of wanting to communicate. The article also recommended to feed my teenage son before trying to communicate. Time and food.  Who knew that's where I was going wrong all this time. I'll leave him a note on the kitchen table tonight. "Let's communicate over a bowl of cocoa puffs around high noon.  Bring some insights and have some answers."

Perhaps this communication issue is a lot like summer.  It is going to be on a slow speed progression. It's all about adjusting to the time, to the age, and to the situation.

Thanks for reading.

January 18, 2015

My monthly adoption blog has turned into a yearly reflection it seems.  It's not that I don't have anything worthwhile to write about, that's for sure! So many funny "Andrésisms" to share.  Between school, sports, work and everyday life we could blog everyday.  At least he makes us all laugh more than cry!

Mom role kicking in, I have decided to entered into the "I am ready to worry about your future" stage. It starts with the word "Whoa"!

Whoa.

Whoa?

Where's this kid going in life? What does he like to do in life?  What!

What.

What?

We've got the basic four choices covered. College, military, trade school, or work are the avenues to explore.  This is the easy part.  The rough part is guiding a kid, who hasn't expressed much interest in anything, to try something. Anything!  Well, almost anything.  Keep a mama proud anything.  So... on that note I asked basic 4 questions to get the conversation started!

Me:  Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Andrés:  I don't know.  How about you?
Me:  Being proud of the man you have become.
Andrés:  Oh.

Me: What are you interested in learning more about?
Andrés:  Muchas cosas.  (Many things.)

Me: Are there any careers you would like to know more about?
Andrés:  Who? Me? Well, I like mechanics, but you have to be able to lift heavy things.  I like veterinarian care, but you have to take chemistry and I'm not doing that.

Me:  How important is money to you?
Andrés:  I like to spend it. I guess I have to save it.  Riiiggghhhttt?
Me:  I smile and walk away.

Based on the above conversation, I'd say he'd make a great politician.  Did he even answer anything I ask? Maybe there's a job opening on Pennsylvania Ave.  He'd make a suburb White House Press Secretary!

I wonder if the other adoptive parents of older children are on the same page with me on this one? My adoptive parent vibes are just telling me to guide him into creating a life for himself better than the one he left behind.  I don't worry too much, like my husband says, Andrés seems to be living the lucky horseshoe life now!  Like Abe Lincoln said, "The best thing about the future is it just comes ones day at a time".

Thanks for reading!